Just a quick little update . . . I got booked yesterday to appear in a feature film titled “Transendence” which stars Morgan Freeman, Johnny Depp, and others. Executive producer is Christopher Nolan. Great lineup . . . and then there’s moi. It was already set for an April, 2014 release by Warner Bros. . . . even before I was booked – go figure.

It’s a thriller about a team of scientists who transend intelligence into a computer – and the computer turns malevolent. I’m not really into sci-fi, violence, or even Johnny Depp. I actually don’t know much about him other than he must be heir to that hair gel from the Sixties that goes by his last name. Morgan Freeman, on the other hand, is tops in my book. Always delivers a riveting performance – Oscar material all the way.

Had to run over to North Hollywood this morning for a wardrobe fitting. Here I am at the famous Western Costume Company, provider of wardrobe to legions of stars since 1912. Of course, I pumped the receptionist for star scoop. She was a real doll, and gave me the goods on who all had been in lately: Bradley Cooper and Halle Berry, to name just a few. I was dying to ask if Ms. Berry’s fitting wasn’t a little tricky, given she’s publicly preggers. But I bit my lip hard enough that I hope the scar is gone before I do my scenes for the movie on May 8, 9 and 10.

Like Lucy Ricardo, let’s just say I’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do. I planned to have the day off yesterday, so was leisurely having my morning coffee when the phone rang. It was a rush call for a background acting job on a new television series coming out this fall on Showtime. The woman then went on to tell me the name of the show. Luckily we weren’t Skypeing, or she would have seen the look of horror on my face. After I had her repeat the name of the show twice, my horror pretty much turned to full-on nausea. The name of the show was “Masters of Sex.” That’s right, people, – little ol’ me in a porn picture? he thought alone could dramatically increase sales of Mylanta. I suppose I should have been flattered, almost turning 60 and all. But I quickly reminded this little tart, in terms I won’t go into here, that I don’t do nudity and she could take her little skin-flick and sail it down the pretty much dried up LA River, thankyouverymuch! She assured me that there was no nudity involved, and that the show was about the well-known sexual psychology team of Masters and Johnson – a period piece centering around a hospital in St. Louis during the later 1950’s.  Well, I let her know this wasn’t my first rodeo and I could see that this project wasn’t a historical docu-drama that was going to eventually end up in the archives at the Smithsonian. More likely, on one of the cheesey, sleazy channels that make me downright blush everytime I’m flipping by on my remote. Well, she continued to tell me about the show and mentioned some of the principals in it, like Beau Bridges. Well, I started to think if one of the “Fabulous Baker Boys” was in this, maybe it’s OK. Then she mentioned that Michael Sheen (no relation to Charlie!) had a starrring role. Well, that was the clincher. If Mozart himself from “Amadeus” was in it, how could I go wrong. So, I quickly jumped in the car and headed to Columbia TriStar/Sony in Culver City.

I arrived at Stage 27 at 10 am after battling through crazy LA traffic, and headed to wardrobe. They had a full late 50’s outfit waiting for me in apparently the sizes they have documented for me. Well, when I pulled the suit pants on, they went almost all the way up to my underarms. It was more like a pinafore. The stylist assured me that high-waisted pants were the look of the fifties. I shrugged my shoulders as much as I could, being weighed down by the pants. Next, I went to hair/makeup where they trimmed up my neckline and created sidewalls around my ears. Last but not least, they geled and sprayed my remaining locks down nd threw in a side part that I haven’t sported since the Seventies. Then off to the prop department. I was handed a civil defense pamphlet to hold in my first scene, where I was playing a hospital administrator ( this would have been pee-in-your-pants funny to Ric,as he IS a hospital administrator) attending a CD preparedness meeting at the hospital – and then they took away my current-day glasses! To say that the rest of the is a blur couldn’t be more accurate. I could have been on a porn set and never know it – or maybe that was their ploy?

After a quick bite to eat from Craft Services, I was seated on-set for my first scene – right next to Beau Bridges, I might add! Between takes, he told me that his daughter is soon heading to the University of Minnesota – my alma mater! Well with that little tidbit of info, our conversation was off and running. I must admit I had a little trouble keeping good eye-contact since I was sans glasses. Does he look as good in person as on-screen? I’ll never know . . . but a very nice guy, nonetheless.

The day continued on with three more scenes in the “hospital,” one which includes me having my fractured arm fixed by one of the daper background doctors. After 13 hours of shooting, we wrapped at 9 pm . . . and I got back my glasses! I held my breath as I put them on. Had it all been on the up-and-up and not a raunchy ride? Whew. To my relief, everyone around me was fully clothed. Not a whip or chain in sight. All was wonderfully well, especially after I got out of my high-waisted trousers. Now I know how Showtime got the title for “The Sopranos.”

Some of you thought that I should start a blog – so here we are. I must ask though, who came up with that term? It really isn’t very attractive-sounding. Down-right disgusting actually. Anywhooooo . . . they didn’t ask me.

I’m finally having time to update you on my busy time last week. As I mentioned earlier, I was on the set of the new sitcom pilot titled “Mom,” which was created by Chuck Lorre. He was also the executive producer of “Two And A Half Men,” “Big Bang Theory,” etc. Pretty much the guru of the sitcom genre these days. The show stars Anna Faris, who starred in the “Scarey Movie” series, and Allyson Janey, who most recently starred in “The West Wing.” (A little Hollywood inside scoop: “The West Wing” stage at Warner Bros. is actually EAST of Stage 20, where I was working. Nothing in Hollywood is real.) There are a few other principals in the show who aren’t anymore recognizable than moi – but they get a credit line anway. Are you detecting a little professional jealousy? Actually, I discovered that almost all of the perfomers, except for little ol’ me, were part of a club called “SAG.” Why you would join an organization for folks in need of a little nip n’ tuck is beyond me. The fact that I haven’t been asked to join has erased any jealousy I previously had, for sure.

The week was comprised of three full days of rehearsal and then a live audience taping on Friday night. My background blocking was: stand facing the bar, pantomime instructions to the bartender, pick up the menus on the bar, turn and pantomime instructions to the waiter folding napkins, wait for a script cue from the male principal, cross behind Anna Faris as she makes her entrance, turn to maitre’d station and put down menus, exit stage left. After THREE DAYS of rehearsal, I must say I really nailed my performance. Definitely Emmy acting. But then came the live audience taping. Wouldn’t you know the damn audience thought that the script was funny and they threw off the whole timing of my performance! I exited the scene before Anna made her entrance and probably wasn’t even on camera. My heart sank. Luckily, Mr Lorre (or “Chas” as I came to call him by week’s end) called for another take because one of the principals flubbed a line – or more likely he thought my lost presence on camera was understandably unacceptable. I’d put money on the later. On the second take, I waited for the laugh that I must have pulled out of the audience, and my performance went impeccably. We hope CBS picks up the show for next fall. Maybe I need to call corporate and oblige a few of the head honchos with a power lunch.

We had last Wednesday off from “Mom,” so I got booked on a VH-1 show called “Hit The Floor.” Apparently it’s a re-titled version of the show “Bounce” – pretty much about basketball players and blonde bimbos cheering them on. After 14 hours on location playing a fan in an arena in Ontario, I got home and “Hit The Bed.”

Well, I better hit the phone and see what new work is booked. Ba-bye for now!