Hi from Hollywood!

Mr. Hollywood

April 8, 2013

Having a lazy day after a 14-hour one yesterday on location for a scene in “Bones.” I’ll probably not even be on camera, as I was one of about 200 people in cars creating a traffic jam during a murder attempt. “Detective Booth” (David Boreanaz) goes after a looney-tunes blonde who tries to murder the psychiatrist (John Francis Daley) on the show. Also in the scene was “Bones,” the forensic examiner (Emily DeSchand). Can’t divulge any more – watch for it this summer or fall.

I got up at 4 am, grabbed some coffee, and headed to downtown LA where they had transformed a city block into Washington DC with fictional street and tourist signage. I checked in, grabbed some more coffee and juice, and took my position in the car, where we were instructed to stay until each scene segment was completed. Things began well. We all took our cues from the director to look frustrated in traffic, from behind our windshields. Then I received a different kind of cue – from my bladder. My “coffee tank” was on full and needed attention. Let’s just say I clenched muscles in my crotch that I never knew I had before. I cracked every knuckle in my fingers – and toes. I had to do something. Next, I reclined the car seat to allow my bladder to stretch as much as possible. I’m pretty sure that my gestures for traffic frustration began looking like something else. Finally, the director yelled “wrap” – and I’m pretty sure I yelled something less appropriate, and ran knock-kneed to the john. I came up with a whole new spelling for “relief”: lordhavemercy. I apologize for letting on to you about my aging anatomy – the epitome of TMI, I know. But those of you over fifty will literally feel my pain.

Watch for this exciting episode of “Bones” on FOX this summer or fall. I’ll be in the silver car that’s bouncing a little bit – and you’ll know why.

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